If I Were a Poor Black Kid -- I'd Hope to God I had Michael Oher's Athletic Ability

One of the weirdest letters to Black people ever written

 PK NOTE: As of this morning - Dec. 17, 2011 - the article in question has been removed from Forbes archive.

Gene Marks, a contributor to Forbes, has stepped in it with the publication of If I Were a Poor Black Kid. Predictably, the Black online media went nuts, with The Root, Newsone, Huffington Post and The Grio declaring war on poor Mr. Marks.

Baratunde Thurston, who we last saw crying over the news that Mein Obama was forced to release his birth certificate, provided some biting commentary in response to Marks' column, but it doesn't change the fact that Black America continues to fail to live up to the lofty standards (or come anywhere near replicating the achievements of) set by, gulp, white people.

Here's what Mr. Marks wrote:

President Obama gave an excellent speech last week in Kansas about inequality in America.

“This is the defining issue of our time.”  He said.  “This is a make-or-break moment for the middle class, and for all those who are fighting to get into the middle class. Because what’s at stake is whether this will be a country where working people can earn enough to raise a family, build a modest savings, own a home, secure their retirement.”

He’s right.  The spread between rich and poor has gotten wider over the decades.  And the opportunities for the 99% have become harder to realize.

The President’s speech got me thinking.  My kids are no smarter than similar kids their age from the inner city.  My kids have it much easier than their counterparts from West Philadelphia.  The world is not fair to those kids mainly because they had the misfortune of being born two miles away into a more difficult part of the world and with a skin color that makes realizing the opportunities that the President spoke about that much harder.  This is a fact.  In 2011.

Hold the phone Mr. Marks. Your kids ARE smarter than kids their age in the inner city (unless we are talking about the sons and daughters of the Disingenuous White Liberal - DWL - elite who send their kids to private school far removed from the coloreds), and this would almost be true if you made less than $20,000 a year and the kids in question come from a Black family making more than $200,000 a year!

There's a reason white people are fleeing Philadelphia (and it's not just the violent Mahogany Mobs attacking them); it has something to do with finding "good schools" -- read all white -- to send their kids too.

And how does having Black skin make things more difficult in 2011? Your joking right? Name one manner in which having Black skin makes life harder in Black-Run America (BRA)? Racism from whites? Well, blame the behavior of your fellow Blacks who gladly post videos triumphing their latest assault on a defenseless individual at WorldStarHipHop.  Extra scrutiny from police? Well, blame the behavior of your fellow Blacks who fail to cooperate with the police and abide by the law!

What does your article state?:

I am not a poor black kid.  I am a middle aged white guy who comes from a middle class white background.  So life was easier for me.  But that doesn’t mean that the prospects are impossible for those kids from the inner city.  It doesn’t mean that there are no opportunities for them.   Or that the 1% control the world and the rest of us have to fight over the scraps left behind.  I don’t believe that.  I believe that everyone in this country has a chance to succeed.  Still.  In 2011.  Even a poor black kid in West Philadelphia.

Okay, that's about all I could read. If I were a poor Black kid, after reading Mr. Marks advice I'd go out and join in a Flash Mob Mahogany Mob assault on the nearest 7-11 and then hit up Foot Locker to look at the newest Air Jordan's that will inevitably find their way onto my feet (odds are through some cunning form of thievery).

Mr. Marks, you grew up in a country that was 70 - 80 percent white; the concept of white privilege makes sense in a nation that is (nearly) homogenous. Has anyone in Japan ever accused one of having a Japanese privilege in getting ahead? The same goes for China? What about Haiti... oh, that entire nation subsists on the charity of Western nations and church organizations sending food so that the Black people there don't subsist on dirt as their primary form of sustenance.

There is no Haitian privilege, save DWLs treating you like a sub-human species or an elaborate pet so that they feel better.

No Mr. Marks, your parents worked hard to provide you a safe community (meaning, far from the Black Undertow) where you could grow up, attend a solid school - okay, a primarily white school district - and they also believed that YOUR life would be better than theirs was.

In Black-Run America (BRA) circa 2011, it is white people who are working to ensure the children of the Black Undertow have it better than THEY did, at the expense of their children's future.

Everyone in this country doesn't have a chance to succeed. Consider that in a nation where every institution (be it government, academic, military, private, entertainment non-profit, etc.) is dedicated to advancing Black people -- many times with the threat of Department of Justice intervention if they fail to properly lower standards enough to accommodate this goal -- ahead of everyone else, single Black female still only have a net worth of $5 dollars.

Of course, Obama's War on White America is starting to get more explicit, with Attorney General Eric "My People" Holder declaring war on states daring to pass laws that ask prospective voters to show valid state issued identification. How dare you ask a Black person to show proper I.D. Don't you know that would allow bill collectors and other forms of registered mail to end up in their mailbox! Or worse, warrants for their arrest! Or worse, demands for a paternity test!

No, if I were a poor Black kid in BRA, the best one could hope for is to be plucked off the mean streets of Actual Black Run America (ABRA) Memphis, just like Michael Oher, and be adopted by rich white people from the suburbs.

Then they could spend vast sums of money on me to improve my high school GPA and SAT/ACT scores so that the NCAA Clearinghouse would accept my transcripts and grant me eligibility to play college football or basketball.

If I were a poor Black kid, Mr. Marks, that's what I'd do: everything possible to get adopted by rich white people. Since less than 28 percent of Black kids actually grow up in a home with parental units, the odds are pretty good a gullible, do-gooding white couple will provide a home and monetary resources for this to happen.

If not, being a poor Black kid means my breakfast and lunch at school are more than likely provided by tax-payers, and my parents are... more than likely on TANF/Welfare and EBT/Food stamps. And we probably live in Section 8 (government provided) housing.

But hey, it beats Haiti! We can engage in Mahogany Mobs in Philly without fear of any repercussions!

If I were a poor Black kid in America, I'd probably be glad I wasn't a poor Black kid in Africa. They don't even have satellite TV there! Certainly, there's no United States government to subsidize the proliferation of my family!

Question: In what ways has the United States - under the direction of BRA - helped erect massive safety nets that make being a "poor Black kid" one of the best things to be in the early 21st century?