The Night the Reindeer Died

You knew Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen; Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen.

Lee Majors once again saved Santa

You knew them.

Sadly, while Santa Claus was delivering gifts to the few children in Chicago on the "nice" list, a mob of "youths" engaged in a Yule-tide inspired flash mob on the unsuspecting reindeer and quickly made off with the contents of Mr. Claus' unattended sleigh.

As usual with most crime stories in Chicago, the Chicago Sun-Times and Chicago Tribune, along with the local network affiliates, worked quickly to spin a media narrative that positioned the city and its political leadership in the best light possible.

"We have it on good authority the children who attacked Santa's sleigh in the Gresham neighborhood on the  South Side of Chicago did so because they felt the bitter sting of racism for once again being off of Santa Claus "nice" list -- a list that is once again a reminder of the potent bigotry of white privilege," said Garry McCarthy, the top cop in Chicago.

Currently, Santa Claus' is missing; seven of the eight reindeer have been pronounced dead, while Vixen is in stable condition.

"Ours is a safe city," said Mayor Rahm Emanuel in an early morning press conference, attempting to downplay the attack on the North Pole's most prominent citizen. "Again, the continued gifts of coal in the stockings of black and brown children in Chicago, those poor, neglected souls who make up the vast majority of the Chicago Public School system, is an outrage."

"If Santa Claus will only bestow gifts on Christmas to white children, then we should be prepared to say that Santa is participating in, and perpetuate, gifting racism. The "naughty" list is just another way to to practice racial profiling," Emanuel said.

McCarthy went farther, saying, "The pervasion of illegal guns in America’s black and Latino communities is a result of “government-sponsored racism,” akin to “slavery, segregation, black codes [and] Jim Crow,” Rahm Emanuel’s new police chief, Garry McCarthy, told parishioners at St. Sabina’s Church earlier this month.

“This is sensitive. You know, because everybody’s afraid of race. Have you noticed that? Everybody’s afraid of race. I’m not afraid of race,” said McCarthy, who told of growing up in the Bronx with guns, gangs and drugs plentiful.

“Let’s see if we can make a connection here. Slavery. Segregation. Black codes. Jim Crow. What, what did they all have in common? Anybody getting scared? Government sponsored racism.”

Wait... he already said that in 2011.

Merry Christmas to all SBPDL readers. Santa and his reindeer are all alive and well, safely back at the North Pole for a long winters nap. Here's hoping you and your family have a magical Christmas -- we'll be back tomorrow with an article that - if all goes well - will end up on the Drudge Report.

That's my Christmas gift to you.